My moods and my ability to think clearly go up and down a scale on a regular basis. On one side, represented by the number “1,” is the depression. On the other side, the “10,” is the mania.
Most of the time, thanks to medication, I hover around the “5” or “normal” level. I get up, go to work, pay the bills and otherwise function in society. Until they see this message, I would guess that most people who know me do not know I have this disorder.
Sometimes, though, sometimes in response to events in my life and sometimes without warning, the pendulum swings. When it swings, it usually swings toward the depression. My brain simply slows down. I cannot think clearly enough to deal with life’s issues.
What is a “1” like? Not being able to go to work. Or going to work and staring at a computer screen all day. That happened to me years ago and fortunately I took advice to get help.
What is a “10” like? The feeling of weightlessness. The feeling that I am in a dream and that there are no consequences to my actions. I don’t know if I have hit a “10” but I probably came somewhat close at city council some time ago. On an act of spontaneity, I went up to the microphone and said of the previous speaker, “A person has the right to speak but not the right to be heard,” quoting Hubert Humphrey.
Right now I am around a “5” feeling good and hope that you are, too. I hope that I have educated you a little more about this mostly invisible disorder. I am putting a picture of a peace dove because real peace starts within us.